2 years ago, I was in a pretty crappy place. I had just admitted to myself, after months and months of not feeling ok that I needed some help. Some professional, mental health help.
I arranged a call with my local Mind service and put myself on the right track. But you can read more about that kinda stuff and how I felt on my post, ‘Being True to Yourself‘.
2 years ago I had also just started taking the gym a little bit more seriously. By this, I mean I wasn’t just going in and aimlessly putting a few dumbbells in the air and going on the crosstrainer for ten minutes. Checking my butt after every glute bride I did to see if in fact, I was too, bootylicious.
(Although guys, gotta say, that’s better than nothing!)
I had some sessions with a personal trainer, got into my groove using ‘big girl’ weights & proper squat racks and then a few months later I found CrossFit and Olympic Weightlifting.
If it wasn’t for finding fitness, I really don’t know what kind of mental health situation I’d be in right now. All I know, is that it probably wouldn’t be too great.
You see, I got into a bit of a habit and it was a habit looking back now that wasn’t a healthy one. It was one that started a bit of a downward spiral that I struggled to get out of.
I would sit. For hours. I would sit at a desk during the day at work and I would sit on the sofa when I got home. Going from sitting to sitting, day after day.
I mean, I was being productive. I was blogging away and being active on social promoting my blog but apart from that, I wasn’t doing much else.
I’ve spoken before on how I got into a bit of a blogging bubble and would cancel plans because I had deadlines. But I completely turned myself into a recluse.
I hated me and I think my body was starting to hate me for it too. I had gotten lazy. Real, real lazy.
I guess it wasn’t really ‘finding fitness’ that saved my mental health, but rather a type of fitness that did.
I managed to find something that I loved doing so much that ‘going to work out’ didn’t feel like such a chore. It wasn’t a burden anymore. It wasn’t something I ‘had‘ to do.
It was something I wanted to do.
This something brought friendship. This something brought laughter. This something brought confidence. This something brought back, well, me.
Slowly, but surely, I began to remember who I was.
I remembered that I don’t like sit about on my arse! Megan doesn’t do that. Megan likes to get stuff done. Megan likes to be out of the house (most of the time). Megan likes to make new friends.
I’m sorry for ever telling myself that I didn’t.
With fitness, a whole shed ton of benefits have came along for the ride. Fitness brought me a new partner. New friends. New challenges.
It made me realise that hell, I ain’t getting any younger and it’s about time I cared about this body that I’m in and treat it with some respect. I need to be a little more careful with how I’m feeding it and looking after it. I need to make recovery important.
Make sleep important
Make food important.
Make me important.
& I am. I am important to myself again.
It’s took me a while to get here. But thanks to finding something like fitness, I have.
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