We always think we know who we are. But the scariest thing that I have had to go through is knowing that I’m not being myself, and going along with it like it’s ok.
You think you know who you are. I mean, you’re just adapting to your current situation, right? You’re just changing as a person because of the predicament that you’re in and well, I guess you gotta grow up some time, huh?
This lesson has been the hardest one for me to learn, to be true to yourself no matter what. No matter what the situation is that’s thrown at you, it’s so important to remain the you that you know. But that little knot in your stomach that tells you that something doesn’t feel quite right? They say ‘trust your gut’ for a reason.
But gosh, is it difficult. You think you know your path in life when it’s laid out for you, and even if it feels a little bit wrong, you still feel as if you should go ahead with it because that is just what everyone expects of you, or at least, it’s what you think they do.
But one day, with me, it just clicked. I knew I wasn’t myself and I knew that I needed to be. God, I needed that so much. The person I once knew (and in some way, admired) had disappeared. I’ve said it before, but I really did become a shell of myself to the point I was unrecognisable when looking in the mirror and seeing photos of myself.
(NOTE: See this picture. I don’t even recognise this girl from January)
Sometimes we have to put our feelings first, despite the possibility or likelihood of hurting others. Through the loss of a friend at a young age, I know the real, raw meaning of life being short. Why spend so much of your time being unhappy? When you know exactly how to fix it?
From one of my favourite films comes one of my favourite quotes – ‘Pain demands to be felt’. & that it does. But that pain won’t be there forever, yet it is required for the long game of happiness, of returning to your true self.
We are taught from a young age that being selfish is a bad thing, that we must always think of others and put them and their feelings before ours. But surely, being selfish can’t be a bad thing when in the long run you know it’s going to be better for you, both mind and soul – right?
Life doesn’t always take us down the easy route, sometimes it’ll throw a curveball (or three) right slap, bang in yo’ face all at the same time. & we can often feel like those curveballs take us right back a few steps, but that doesn’t mean you’re going in the wrong direction.
What says more about you, as a person, is how you deal with those curveballs, but deal with them for you – and no-one else.
Whether it’s your career, family, love or friends, remember that the decisions you make are yours and yours alone. But, you are not alone. Those who know you and love you will be right there beside you to help you rise back up.
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