Today is World Mental Health Day.
I’m going to start by saying something obvious and something that is said a lot.
Every day should be world mental health day.
But saying that, I’m glad days like these exist because without them in the past, the stigma around mental health wouldn’t have dropped as much as it has over the past few years.
We’re still not there. With a lot of mental health illnesses being massively unrecognised in the media such as BPD, bipolar, eating disorders and much more.
But it’s getting there, we talk about it a lot more than we used to.
I’m currently sat on my sofa in my little rented flat, wrapped in a blanket with a homemade cottage pie cooking away. Sat opposite me is a rather lovely soul and I’m full of joy from having giggle with my little niece earlier this afternoon.
In a few days time from when I’m writing this, it’ll be World Mental Health Day and the anniversary of something rather poignant.
Two years ago to this almost very date, I received a phone call. That phone call was a pre-organised one from a counsellor from Mind. A telephone assessment to see what my options were going forward.
I was sat shaking with my forms in hand for around 10 minutes before the time came and the moment she asked me to try to explain what was going on, I began sobbing immediately.
A fortnight prior, I’d emailed in whilst in a state of anxiety practically begging them to help me.
I’d reached a breaking point and I didn’t know where to turn. Although I had incredible friends and family to speak to, the words just simply wouldn’t come out. Or at least at that point, I mentally couldn’t understand what was going on in my brain.
I just knew somehow, that I felt broken.
I was so low. Low to the point where I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to make plans. I just wanted to either be alone, crying or at the gym as a bit of a release.
It’s hard when you don’t understand what’s going on. It’s hard when you’re confused at why you can burst into tears at the click of a finger, or sleep for 10 hours but still not want to get out of bed. It’s weird when you’re uncontrollably upset but your mind just overthinks and overthinks until it continues to spiral out of control.
After that one phone call, I had to wait 7-8 months until I finally got that letter for my first confirmed therapy session.
Within that 8-months I had gone through a failed engagement and had begun to sell my first house of which I’d only bought 2 years earlier. I’d moved back in with my parents and had taken sick leave from work due to my mental health.
You could say that although it was a long, painful wait that it came at the right time.
But that 7-8 month wait just goes to show the underfunding that is apparent for our mental health systems. I was stable enough, but unfortunately, other’s sometimes are not.
But if I hadn’t had reached out and taken a stand, goodness knows what state I would be in today. Or if I’d even be here at all.
Two years on from that phone call and I am in a completely different place, one of the happiest places I have ever been.
Am I ok 24/7? Absolutely not, I don’t think anyone, regardless of mental struggle or not, can be.
I still have ‘foggy’ days as me and my other half like to call them. Days where I could burst into tears at any moment or don’t really want to lift my head up from the sofa. But they are few in far between.
They’re no longer an experience I have to live through every day.
Yes, I do have my spouts of overthinking where I’ll question every detail about an encounter or a WhatsApp message.
But it’s not all the time.
I’ve simply, learnt to manage. & that’s all that we can do.
Take small steps in the right direction, but know that sometimes we may also take a step back.
We can learn to manage our reactions and our emotions. Knowing and accepting that something doesn’t feel ok and being able to overcome the feelings that you have.
I wouldn’t have been able to get to where I am right now without the people that surrounded me through the darkest times. My family who were right behind me. My best friends at either side.
& an almost stranger in front of me, who unbeknown to me, would soon change things forever.
Support is important. & it’s why I will always be there for my loved ones and for anyone else who needed it.
All mental health campaigns encourage talking, because it really is the first step in the right direction.
Talking allows you to not be alone. & before I spoke to anyone about my troubles, that is exactly how I felt.
My email and direct messages are always open for those who may need it, no matter how unfamiliar we are. Anyone who is struggling, right now, as they read this. Someone is always there for you.
You can call The Samaritans 24/7, whenever you feel like it, on 116 123.
Be honest & open always.
There is always brighter times ahead. Life is beautiful after you lift the fog.