I am a creature of habit and a person of comfort.
What I really mean, is that I like things the way that they are and I am quite content in my little life bubble, thank you very much.
So when life rocks the boat sometimes (& oh boy hasn’t 2020 been a storm?!) it can cause me major anxiety and for my overthinking to kick in and be set to overdrive.
Uncertainty has been a massive theme for myself and everyone else this year, and some recent self-exploration in therapy has made me sit and think of how I want to level-up as a person.
When I say living with uncertainty, this can be pretty much anything. From the big life-changing things that can happen to the small details that can sometimes occur.
It can be from a client call not going well at work, to Josh picking up the wrong pizza bases from the shop. (Or, y’know a global pandemic????)
Even when I’m expecting it, change isn’t something that often works well for me and I’ll do anything for an ‘easy life’ sometimes. I often lean towards situations that are familiar, safe and where I can have a greater level of control.
I’m scared of something going wrong. Someone not liking me. Something bad happening. Someone thinking I’m an idiot.
So what does this mean for me?
It means that I’ll often stay the same and plod along. Out of fear, I won’t try anything new, try to build new relationships or even do anything spontaneously.
(Which probably explains why I’m so rubbish when it comes to surprises!)
I lean away from anything that could ~potentially~ knock my confidence or cause me stress and prefer to stay in my safe zone.
But, with me wanting to grow as a person, I’d like to learn to live better with uncertainty and make it a pal of mine. (& hopefully, make some friends along the way).
First off, I’m using the word ‘try’ because I don’t want to force anything. Or even expect that anything is 100% going to actually happen. I’m simply exploring a potential opportunity as opposed to something that is set in stone.
What I am confident in is my abilities but what I struggle with is initiating anything either completely or relatively new.
I’m confident that I’m a good friend, but I am not so good at starting friendships, getting close to people and opening up.
I’m confident that I give my all when I’m sucked into something, but I’m scared of starting to incase I’m not good at it or others laugh.
I’m a very determined person but it’s the very start of the journey that I would like to get better at.
So I’m starting small.
I’m going to try reaching out to those that I feel like I could build connections with, instead of waiting for them to come to me. If I feel like doing/starting something new, I’m going to try (!) and find someone to come along on the journey with me (even if they don’t stay for the ride) to make things easier.
I’m going to go into these ‘uncertain’ situations with an open mind and thinking what if it ‘did’ work out, rather than what if it didn’t.
Or just make a last-minute decision to do it so I don’t have time to weigh up what’s going to happen. This has worked well the past week or so when going to the gym. Instead of planning to go and giving myself time to worry about it, I’ve made split decisions and been out the door within 10 minutes. This approach takes the overthinking out of it as it doesn’t allow me the time to sit and ponder.
When something uncertain does happen, I’m going to assess the opportunities before I assess the threats, and explore what I can still control.
It can be exhausting to be stuck in a rut and 9 times out of 10, you’re the only person who can get yourself out of it.
I’d like to start to try to make some spontaneous decisions, live a bit more carefree and accept that sometimes, stuff just happens.