People often use blogs as an outlet for them to update others on their lives, a sort of diary-style entry. I know I usually talk about makeup, but todays post is about life lately…
I am not going to lie to you; I am, like, mega stressed. I fear that I am only a few millimetres or moments away from having some kind of breakdown where I stuff my face and curl up in my duvet into the darkness. But don’t worry, nothing major is going on with me – it’s all down to University. Of course it is. Uni. You bastard.
It is now only nine weeks until I finish for good and the assignments and dissertation seem to be just looming over my shoulder. Three of those weeks are classed as Spring Break. BREAK? HA. I WISH. There will be no break for me! All of my waking hours are to be spent either in the library or wishing that I were in the library writing away in hope that I get good grades. It is actually the pressure of that of which is causing me to stress more so than previous years.
Throughout University I have been on the verge of 2:1’s and 1sts, with the last year swinging me over to the 1st side. I really want to finish with a First Class Honours Degree, but the pressure from academics, from family, from friends is just becoming too much and it seems to be weighing me down and driving me crazy. I have a few assignments that are finished to a relatively great standard but I just cannot leave them alone, I am constantly finding the need to go back and improve, improve, improve. What can I say? I’m a perfectionist.
I just don’t want to let anyone down. I don’t want to let me down. But the past week or so has been a difficult one. I have got to the point in my dissertation where I need to do some statistical analysis, of which we’ve never really been taught. The struggle is 100% real. I am in way over my head. I know that I will get it done, but I want to get all the numbers over and done with and move on to the next section. I have felt like a big ol’ bundle of emotion the past few days and I just want to let it out in one big sob.
I do have things to look forward to though, it’s not all doom and gloom right now. I am off to see Ellie Goulding with a friend next week in Leeds and having a fun filled day thanks to Capital FM. Then the week after I am heading to Liverpool for a bit of a city break with my boyfriend, which I think is very much needed. I’m hoping to come back from that all energised and refreshed and ready to go again, because my motivation? It’s lost.
I don’t want to let you guys, my readers, down either. Posting every other day has been bloody hard work in final year and I don’t know how I’ve managed it. Just please bare with me, I’m still here and I’m still me, my head is just a little bit more in the University cloud these days…